But · as · for · my · days, · I · spend · them · waiting.

Hello, out there. Is this an empty room? Is my voice echoing? Does anyone hang out here anymore? I know I don't. I thought I'd check in, see what's going on in your world. As much as I use Facebook, it doesn't really help see where people are at in their lives. Maybe I'm a freak, but I like looking behind the curtain, reading these entries.

It strucks me, (EDIT! Strucks? My God. Or yours maybe.) reading these thoughts that seem so private, that people don't completely absord that everyone will read these things. I know I didn't really acknowledge that when I was at the height of my LJ frenzy, bleeding all the private secrets onto the screen, desperately hoping for feedback for a little validation.

And I'm back. Don't look at me with those pitying, knowing eyes. People don't change that much in their lives.

Anyway, here's an update on the facts:
I live in Montreal, and go to Concordia. Technically, according to the UPEI/Concordia credits I've got so far, I'm in the second semester of my first year. I suppose I'm in Political Science and Geography. I work at a coffee shop, and have a tendency towards burning the fuck out my right hand. I live a cozy little apartment with a cat and four roomies. It has earned the title of Casa Del Lechy.

I've been kind of down. I can't really explain it. I came out of a long relationship a month ago, started going to school, got a new job, adjusted to a new apartment.. Maybe it's a settling-in period for this rearranged life. I've started developing a wee bit of insomnia... I fall asleep, but usually just for two or three hours before I have to wake up.

A side note about primetime teen dramas: Oh! For all former OC fans who gave up after the second or third season, guess what? It drastically improved in season four, just in time to be cancelled. Taylor was a far better lead than Marissa. Who really wants to watch a rich, upper class version of their angsty teenage selves fuck up onscreen? That's how I felt about her, anyway.

I suppose I should go try and concentrate on my Geography notes. I've got a test, but I can't sit still. I couldn't even concentrate on Gilmore Girls. I need to go run around like mad, but I'm not comfortable in this city. After I'm finished with school, I can't imagine living in a place as big as Montreal again. It's impersonal, and a 21-year-old's life seems to be exclusively centred around the nightlife, which is not my thing. Where did Rory find friends like her? I need them. But in this city. Not on PEI. (Here's lookin' at you, Matt Dixon.)

I suppose I shall just sit here, listen to Aimee Mann and enjoy her wonderful way with words.

Cheers.

+So, the first day of school. I went to Psych, nearly fell asleep, decided to take the hour-long walk home instead of the bus, then fell asleep and missed my first Religion class. Cause I am THAT awesome.

+I have black hair. Ooooh yeah.

+Never before have I had bosses who I loved/hated as much as my current bosses. Fuck.

+Embarking on a new relationship should keep me giddy for at least a few more weeks. But today the anxiety set in. Somebody's gotta stop me.

The only reason I ever truly return to livejournal is if I have got brand new romantic drama I feel I must analyze, rationalize, and idealize with many watching. It's a particular brand of self-destruction I have perfected.

So, let's have a vague rundown.

I have a narrow opinion on the modern twentysomething relationship, and the way I perceive it is very unappealing. It involves lots of pot, alcohol, skeezy bars, house parties, plenty of casual sex and random hookups with friends of friends. It involves too many unspoken rules, most of them handed down to us with pride from chain-smoking, prematurely cynical singletons. I never listened. Maybe I should have.

So I suppose the first issue would be the [age difference], which is a total of 12 years. I don't think much of it myself, but hey, shake your head and gossip with your friends about how Aileen is fucking up again. It's not like I even listen to those I told you so's anymore. I will learn my lessons in my own way, thank you. We [work together]. Whatever. He [smokes]. Uh. Does anyone remember the Sex & the City episode when Carrie is asking what, in a relationship, is a non-negociable? Aidan didn't want to date her unless she quit smoking. She did. I have always believed decisions like that shouldn't be made for anyone but yourself, otherwise they will inevitably fail. But maybe that's just seeing in black & white, which I rarely do. The most important, though, is the fact that we both appear to have [dooming perspectives on relationships.] We all know what I'm talking about. A lot of people call it a fear of commitment. I have a tendency to think of it more as rampant insecurity and the ubiquitous trend of becoming jaded as early as possible.

If you build something on a weak foundation, it will inevitably be destroyed.
As much as I kick and scream and clench my fists, this fact isn't going to change. So I guess maybe I should.
But that's only a maybe.

+something is wrong with one part of my gums, and it is making it annoying to eat. also i keep running my tongue over it, which is probably just irritating it. heeey! does anyone know anything about apples being bad for your teeth? i thought apples kept doctors away.
+i have no bed until tomorrow. kim let me stay at her place last night, yet i remain bedless. and furnitureless. but at least i have my new apartment. it differs from the past in that it doesn't feel like a hotel and i can hang out in the living room without feeling like i'm in my older roommate's way.
+i am eating toast with crunchy peanut butter. mmmm, crunchy.
+go to www.myspace.com/carmenelle and listen to her music cause she's wonderful.
+i own too much clothing OR i have too litte closet space. you choose.
+ice pellets are pelting montreal and i'm okay with that.
+coocoocaCHOO!

"You're the weirdest girl I've ever met." -My roommate's daughter

"Guys, sometimes Aileen really creeps me out." -Jenna, my co-worker, to my other co-workers.

About spending one's time holed up alone reading at all times: "IT SURE BEATS HAVING FRIENDS. There! I said it!" -A smart guy in B.C.

Who needs a life when you've got weird loner status!